Your Identity

The extraordinary thing about astrology is the expanded view that it provides for understanding the full scope of a person’s design. From personality to individuality and beyond, the entire story is laid out if you know how to read it. 

In this article,  i use the term “personality” frequently to describe the “social character, which is an entirely different context in how it is used in Human Design. If you’re into HD, best to refrain from imposing the idea of “Personality and Design” into this exploration as It doesn’t fit into the concept of what this article is imparting. In an attempt to avoid confusion, let’s look at things from an entirely fresh, new perspective.

As a diligent astrologer and life-long student of the cosmos for over thirty-plus years, If someone asks me, “Who am I, what am I here to do?” confidently, i can unravel their story and provide some kind of understanding. 

However, most of the time, even tho people inquire about who they might be and what they are here to do, they aren’t really interested, which is surprising to me and slightly disappointing, I must say. Often, i see great potential waiting to be realized and expressed, yet, usually, it remains ignored and unrecognized while they are busy being distracted. 

Even though someone may be curious and ask these questions, the true, burning, final curiosity inside their mind tends to be, “When will i meet my soulmate?” or “Is this person my true soulmate?” or “Is this relationship going to last?” 

This is what most people really want to know.

 

WHERE IS LOVE?

The reason for this burning curiosity about love and the yearning for relationship is that our entire life is shaped by society and the opinions of others through our relating. We are conditioned throughout life to behave according to how people are perceiving and judging us. On a multi-level perspective, our entire personality is a result of parental and social conditioning and the chatter based on people who have influenced us the most throughout our life. . 

All of this is prompted by attention-need as it is a basic form of childhood conditioning. From the start, most parents use fear and greed to control how we behave. If we are “good” according to their idea of what good behaviour is then, we are rewarded and if we are “bad”, according to their idea of “bad” we are punished This is the reason why it is so difficult to quiet the mind and why the struggle with thought-currents is paramount in our process of evolution. We are trapped in the programming of our childhood rather than just “being” relaxed, at peace and enjoying life.

Tremendous peer pressure, teachers with emotional issues and heavy judgments, parents or caretakers with their own psychological burdens express their projections and shape the nature of our being. And we accept it, allow it and become it without question or consideration that we may be something far more than their projections of who we are. 

It can be a very painful place to live, relying on the projections and opinions of others to understand our character; good or bad, because usually, it is not an accurate projection of who we truly are, which only creates more confusion and often, depression.

Through the feedback and experience of relating, the mind is shaped, the personality is cultivated and when one is surrounded by people, the mind receives attention and creates a pseudo satisfied and fulfilled feeling, regardless of the quality of company or relating, which is why many accept and endure abusive relationships; it is this attention-need that eliminates the tremendous fear of loneliness looming in the background of life.

The ego feels satisfied with attention and feedback, even to the point of generating lots of “friends”, such as the habit on social media in spite of not knowing most of those on the “friends” list. The number of “friends” and the amount of clicks, likes, comments and shares for posts determines who one is as statistics are broadcast beneath the profile. 

Really, the social “popularity” game is only the planets having fun and not necessarily a true, accurate indication of a person’s inner character. Being popular socially is usually a sign of extreme conditioning or clever “sex-appeal” with great acting skills, usually. Ever so often, a unique beacon of light shines in the world. However, most of society is dull to noticing clarity, stability and groundedness; as popular television shows and movie box offices prove; it’s too mundane and boring. 

Even the music industry, such as the popular 80’s song: “Like a Virgin” with Madonna writhing on the floor attired in white, wedding lingerie. That video / song / album sold millions of albums because of her ability to get attention and it somehow changed Madonna’s career overnight. Her ability to gain attention in this way had nothing to do with exceptional talent. 

As WIkipedia states regarding the album: After its release, Like a Virgin received mixed reviews from music critics, but was a commercial success. It became Madonna’s first number one album on the Billboard 200 and set the record as the first female album in history to sell over five million copies in the United States. The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) later certified it diamond for shipment of ten million units. It also reached number one in Germany, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Spain and the United Kingdom, and remains one of the best-selling albums of all time with sales of over 21 million copies worldwide.”

Truly, that album and Madonna’s talent are not an exceptional work of art. Doris Day was more talented than Madonna. However, Madonna found a way to capitalize on social conditioning at it’s finest, humanity’s delusional pull with sex and romance.

 

THE DEPRESSED STATE LACKING ATTENTION

When there are no “likes”, no comments, no shares – nor “friend requests”, one begins to feel a little strange inside from the lack of feedback, lack of attention and lack of relating. Something feels wrong when others are not responding and relating to our personality expression. It’s as if the core of our being is slightly shaken as the sense of self-doubt grows. The same reaction happens in romance when we are not getting the attention we feel we need; tremendous self-doubt sets in and we lose a degree of self-respect and that awful feeling of pressure that drives us into weird social moments and complicated incompletions with others. 

When society shapes our character and determines our value strictly through relationship and by the amount of attention we receive, all of our energy is spent on gaining favorable opinions from others, and sometimes even bad opinions to gain attention in some way. This method of relating, for understanding our identity through gaining attention creates a huge distortion in our being and becomes a terrible distraction to our personal growth and evolution.

The ego or personality, being the same, uses two primary methods to gain attention:

  1. Pushy, demanding, aggressive behavior to build up self-importance
  2. An overly nice, overly generous, pious, passive behavior

 

Through these two methods of relating, to overcome loneliness, to stay engaged with others and to pacify the ego, we come to understand who we are. We are the profession, the partner or parent or offspring of a family or a friend living out the projection of others opinions as we “push” or “beg” for attention, in a rather unpleasant way, I must add, and in different measures.

 

For instance, one may say they are a “doctor” or a “writer” or a “teacher” or a “coach”, a husband, wife or daughter, a friend that does this or that – roles created by society so that one can play the game. And we are “good or bad” at it, according to popular opinion. Eventually, we become the composite of other people’s opinions rather than the instrument of creativity expressing unique talent. 

Many will tend to “push” others to prove that they are important and worthy and many will “beg” by being overly generous with their time and energy. One type is strategizing and manipulating to gain power over another while the other type becomes a floor rug and begs to be walked upon or taken advantage of. Both of these behaviors are the result of someone who is terribly disconnected from a healthy state of self-confidence and self-respect while needing attention in order to feel “okay” and to experience an unconscious release from the pressure of self-doubt.

 

HERE’S MY RESUME

Oprah Winfrey

When we are playing this social game of creating self-worth gained through attention seeking, we actually lose a large portion of our true identity. If someone asks, “Who are you?”, the natural response is to provide them with a resume that defines our role in society. Hardly ever do we share the core essence of our true nature for fear of how we may be judged or we may not even be aware of who our core individual truly is. 

Usually, our core identity is our creative expression, our hobbies and “wishes” of what we could be doing if we had enough willpower. That kind of information does not sit well on a resume nor does it have value for creating a profession in society, typically. It takes a unique, “individual” with tremendous willpower to express creative talent as a profession and to earn a good income.

THEN, WHO AM I?

Ask yourself, “Who am I without this social conditioning?”

When most reach the age of 40 – 50, there is a strange feeling of loneliness that begins to settle into their being. Some people make drastic life decisions like choosing to have an affair or make a big career change, or move out of the house and away from family or out of a marriage commitment. There is an unconscious loneliness that creeps in and overrides the feelings of hope that once drove the mind. Suddenly, during this phase of life, one will begin to feel as though they have missed their true calling, missed the right place, missed the right creative expression, missed the right people or the right mate for life – such as “soulmate”. This confusion causes a desperate feeling of loneliness and an overwhelming drive to understand “Who am I?”

Even though one may be surrounded by family, friends, busy life activities and thriving in their career, still, there is an overpowering feeling of loneliness as desperation sets in caused by the disconnect and lack of fulfillment of one’s true, core identity. Most are driven to look for the one who will complete the “missing half’. 

“Half of what????”…..I ask.

This state of loneliness is the inner being crying out to be expressed before life ends.   And this true identity is completely reliant on our own clarity and understanding of who we are without the attention or opinions from others. That takes tremendous courage and the ability to enjoy being alone, often.

This is the natural state of a human – alone and sovereign in one’s own understanding of self, not relying on others’ opinions to shape self-worth or how one lives and chooses. One is merely playing and creating while enjoying nature.

 

ENLIGHTENED INDIVIDUALITY

There is a strong, stable connection to the inner self that is present before life begins, starting with life in the womb. In the womb it was comfortable, safe, quiet and content – and alone. In that blessed womb space there is no agenda, no routine, no opinions nor are there projections. There is also no romance nor seeking for a soulmate; there is only a relaxed, blissful space lulling us through existence. Then, there comes a moment when that space of existence changes and we are born into a new reality and the conditioning field, starting with our parents’ that shapes the nature of our being according to their wishes. 

Around the ages of 40-50, the “halfway” mark in life, unconsciously, we reflect back on this sense of wholeness that was there in the beginning, with the first spark of life while resting in the womb, content, peaceful, relaxed and fulfilled – and complete as a whole being, alone.

While we are in a state of confusion during this stage of life, there is a looming state of loneliness and deep need for change that tends to create one of three conditions:

  1. Addiction to food, drugs or alcohol
  2. Suicide because one is unable to face life and withstand the confusion
  3. A gradual evolution in our state of consciousness

We can choose to take our life up a notch and go to the next level of our existence or we can choose to dive down deep into the oblivion of depression and addiction. This is where we have a choice applying tremendous willpower.

 

OUR SOCIAL ROLE

Take a moment and sit quietly with yourself. Turn off the TV, put away the phone, silence the music and just sit with you. “Who are you?”, or ask ……..“Who am I?”

We are not the teacher, the life coach, the psychoanalyst, nor the lawyer; we are not the doctor, we are not the policeman nor the hairdresser. These are all social roles. At our core we are not the wife, nor the husband, nor the son, either. 

Take away the titles and roles to uncover the larger part of who you really are – before birth, alone in the womb, and who you are at the end of this lifetime – at death, departing alone. This individual is very different from the personality or ego created by parents and social conditioning that has taken most of your attention and vitality for so many years.

Ancient scriptures impart that when we die, all the experiences related to our interaction with an enlightened teacher and our own process of spiritual awakening, are replayed back to us in full color, such as when the kundalini is active and responding in certain moments. The rest of life experiences are played back in black and white. That is how insignificant the projection-shaped, social reality truly is. 

 

COSMIC DNA DESIGN

There are 12 strands of DNA in our human system. Only 2 of those strands are awakened in humans, even Einstein had only 2 strands awake. Of these 2 strands, one strand awakens at birth and the second strand awakens at physical maturity between the ages of 21-25. In a space of spiritual enlightenment and integration of our being, 4-6 more layers or strands of DNA can be awakened, increasing the mitochondria cell energy dramatically. With this increase of cellular energy, much like a battery, we have the ability to cure our own body from cancer or any other serious illness. If this cellular energy dives down less than 40% threshold, then we become susceptible to disease. This is why cancer may return within a couple of years after chemotherapy or while taking pharmaceutical medicines. Our recovery is reliant on a total transformation of mind and body.

Even illnesses that are built into our DNA inherited through genetic traits can be avoided with this powerful heightened state of cellular power. We can observe this super battery power through our ability to have a superior state of health, a high IQ with good decision-making strategies, ability to be patient and fore-bearing, content with life and its unfolding, highly inspired and creative, while expressing leadership qualities. 

Gaining this heightened state of battery power is reliant on eating a super clean, high vitality, nutritious, organic vegetarian diet, avoiding alcohol, tobacco, food preservatives, living in an environment with clean, fresh, pollution-free air, and applying a daily regime of meditation combined with serious inner work that diligently clears conditioning and social energy input. 

There is a way to break these patterns and recharge the battery for gaining more vitality, good health and superhuman abilities. Applying various methods of kriya yoga with purification for cleaning out the internal organs of all mucus, parasites and clogged debris, cleaning the blood through pure foods and herbal teas, purifying the senses and learning how to tame the powerful sense of “taste” are all radical, fast-acting methods for transforming the way we perceive, think and operate in life. All it takes is a great deal of discipline and determination to carry it out consistently. 

Coupled with this powerful space of self-discipline comes the ability to co-exist with others peacefully, while enjoying clarity of vision, a position of leadership in alignment with one’s own talents and abilities and in a powerful space of creative inspiration – regardless of what others think or project.  I must admit, when i interact with someone who has strong willpower, confidence in their own being, it is usually relaxing and without the terrible “pressure” of “pushing or neediness”. I dont mind hanging out with someone who is in this space and attitude of strength in self-confidence and determination; it’s glorious to witness. 

If everyone in a community is striving to be awake versus “deadened” or numb, then, we have the makings for paradise on planet earth.

 

ASTROLOGICAL EXAMPLE

In this example, my life story is presented to assist in providing further clarity regarding individual identity versus socially shaped personality. Everything is clearly written out in an astrological story exactly as it is happening. There are no exceptions, truly. Astrology could be considered the original bible or “holy book” for humanity; Vedic astrology, that is.

 

KASHI, THE INDIVIDUAL

We see through astrology that, socially, through the projection of others, i am misunderstood and judged because people are confused by my simplistic lifestyle and tend to think there is something wrong with me because i am not settled into a traditional, professional career like the rest of society. What most fail to understand and grasp is that this is my way of thriving and surviving. .

It is literally impossible for me to live in a traditional setting with other people because of my psychic sensitivities; it is suffocating. For years, I have been sleeping far away from other humans, over 300 feet or more, just so that i can clear the psychic download that social interaction creates for me throughout the day. 

Most humans are completely deadened to the mutli-dimensional reality that appears through expanded awareness. And most people are suffering with health problems, psychological issues and relationship trauma, no matter how happy or empowered they try to present to society, like “life coaches” for instance. 

However, when you are psychically sensitive, you can see what is really going on inside of another human being. When i interact with someone or even if they are near me, much like sitting at a restaurant or standing in line at the post office, i get a download of what is going on inside of someone, whether i want to see it or not. It’s as real as the physical plane reality, in my day to day perception field. It has been like this most of my life.

However, it is this sensitivity that also creates the bliss that i feel in my body and the deep, extraordinary relaxation that i enjoy with heightened vitality and unending creativity – in my beautiful temple space, alone. 

The “Individual” part of me must be patient and diligent in the development of my character, which takes great courage as it is a long, long journey of many years spent alone while living this simplistic lifestyle without the ordinary comforts of a traditional setting. My story also indicates that it is time to minimize my intake of food, which is gradually happening, naturally. If i eat any kind of solid food or a soup or smoothie that is too heavy and thick, i feel uncomfortable in my body and tummy. This is the natural process for cultivating what is known as “Brahmachari”.

The strengths and talents indicated in my astrological chart are the abilities to impart intuitive understanding that eliminates the confusion that many suffer. By providing solutions to life’s challenges and through the expression of an eclectic, spiritual nature, i am a good mediator, an effective astrologer and a talented writer. Fortunately, i can see when the transits coming up are strong for writing and publishing a book. Having that insight is incredibly relaxing and wipes out the potential for feeling “pressure”. 

WHERE IS THE SOULMATE?

As you can see in the above outline of my astrological story regarding the “Individual”, there is nothing written that points to any kind of romantic relationship. The individual identity is an independent expression outside of society’s standards or the entanglement of a romantic relationship and is closely identified with the being who began in the womb before the stories and projections started happening. The “Individual” astrological profile only contains a mission for self-development and the fulfillment of living out one’s highest potential. 

That is it. 

Every “individual” life story is just like this. 

There are no relationships, only who we are at the core of our being yearning to be realized and experienced to our fullest potential. Yes, we can see the potential of romantic entanglements in the astrological chart and the significant relationships connected with family and lovers and the type of karma that may be playing out. However, at the core, individual layer – who we really are without the social pressure and in our most authentic expression, rests the real person, unattached and alone.

What matters most is how we are evolving and maturing past the karmic imprint, up and out of suffering and delusion so that we can be peaceful and content, healthy and thriving. 

 

THE PERSONALITY

If we look at the social personality in this phase of my life, the astrological story indicates that i could choose to be in a relationship and most likely, I would easily fall into deep depression and experience serious addiction problems, as well as some kind of dangerous illness. 

In 2007, because of depression, I began sipping wine, almost daily and smoking marajuana mixed with organic tobacco. When i started mixing tobacco into my “spliffs”, I actually watched my heart chakra close down, in the first instance of smoking. At least i could stop crying now and my mind would immediately become numb to the emotional pain.

This continued for a period of time as I danced in and out of very stupid romances, mostly unpleasant as I floundered about disconnected from my core identity. At the same time, i began learning and teaching Human Design, I ceased my yoga and meditation practice and jumped off the bandwagon of a pure diet and the tendency to abstain from alcohol and toxic substances. Human Design became my new religion with a daily glass of wine and a “spliff”.

You can see, in spite of learning who i am, how i operate and all the other “stuff” that HD offers, it did not lead me in a healthy, fruitful direction for a positive maturation process. It did just the opposite because it wiped out the need to be responsible for my decisions and gave me a ‘crutch”. 

In 2015 a planetary activation happened that changed everything for me. Suddenly, if any kind of alcohol was near me, i would become terribly ill for 24 hours, as if i was dying. I would be throwing up and unable to get out of bed – the entire cycle of 24 hours. Even people near me drinking alcohol would cause me to go into this space of serious sickness and unable to move and get out of bed, and leave me in a terrible state of pain with a raging migraine. 

Even if a bottle of alcohol was near me, in the cupboard or in a box, where i would not be able to see it and if i sat too close, too long, i was in bed for 24 hours throwing up and nursing a serious, serious migraine. 

The same reaction too, if someone was taking tinctures made with alcohol. Tinctures are still made with alcohol containing “spirits”, in spite of the misnomer that considers it a viable medicine. At the same time I began to experience this extreme reaction, i dropped the smoking habit. I had no choice, life was becoming very different for me. 

The most difficult part these past few years has been the task of explaining this reaction that i have with alcohol to others and then asking them to wait to drink alcohol until i am no longer near them nor in the same environment. The look on their faces when i try to explain this matter is total disbelief. They think im “nuts”. Another area where i am terribly misunderstood socially and I have learned, it is better if i leave the environment rather than explain my reaction to the spirits. No one believes me until they witness this happening with their own eyes. 

Even online Zoom rooms filled with people can be a little challenging for me, too, since most people suffer health issues, whether they realize it or not.

Fortunately, the planetary transit causing this extreme reaction has passed and there is only a slight reaction to things like this in the environment now. 

Obviously, it would be best for me to be in a temple environment, however, as i have lived in and visited ashrams, i am finding that there are still problems with illnesses and insecure, pushy, needy people.

 

THE TURNING POINT

Since that astrological activation in 2015, my life has not been the same. That year was also when my Guru came into my life. And yes, it was written in the astrological life story that a powerful teacher would enter into my life just as my psychic sensitivities began to explode.

Now, I choose to take my life to the next level rather than be in a state of depression and addiction with highly toxic substances that can easily create disease, destroy the brain and fill the body with entities, as it does each and every time we take a sip of that nasty stuff called “spirits”. Have you noticed how much a person’s voice “slurs” after they start drinking a glass? 

 

CONSCIOUS NAVIGATION

Confidently, I step into my individuality through the powerful knowledge that my spiritual studies and practice provide, as well as the planetary activations in my design that are fostering my growth while embracing change, in a state of surrender to my individual path. 

Everything i express from a space of confidence and knowing comes through learning from my Guru combined with my own experience and the many years of study. 

My Guru doesn’t hold my hand nor does He sit beside me to guide me nor do we even share physical space nor have “physical plane” conversations. However, i can see through expanded awareness that His force is ever present, and yet, my experiences and state of being are completely reliant on my own “moment to moment” choices, regardless. Where i place myself and what i choose to do impacts my receptivity and peace of mind, greatly. 

I can do this journey with this powerful force present in my life or without it. Past experience has proven, it is much more difficult to do this journey without an enlightened presence overseeing and supporting my process. Society makes it very challenging to be confident in our uniqueness and individuality. 

 

HELPERS ALONG THE WAY

For everyone, continuously, there are significant helpers along the way if you have ear to listen and the mind to take heed……and if one is not too terribly distracted by the matter of “romance” or the impact of deep, social conditioning. 

Continuously, when looking at others’ astrological stories there is always someone looming in the background ready to assist with clarity and wisdom. Yet, these special helpers are difficult to recognize when one is so heavily focused on other matters of the heart or burning desires and not open nor receptive to the right influences. Romance, bad diet, nasty habits, low self-confidence and depression, including “attention-need”, can be terrible distractions to sensing the correct space, place, people and timing. 

 

BEST GUIDE

The best way to determine who is correct for guiding your spiritual unfolding is the relaxation you feel in your body when interacting with a certain teacher. And im not speaking about the romantic feeling when you are attracted to someone – that is very different. Take away the attraction factor and close your eyes to feel the energy of a mother-like force, male or female. An enlightened being radiates both aspects no matter their gender and with a nurturing quality.

If you find that there is no relaxation, no soothing heart-filled energy filling you up when you are engaging with them or receiving their instructions, they are not the teacher for you. Truly, mean people suck and are terrible guides and certainly, not enlightened. True enlightenment radiates a powerful, loving presence of healing energy, consistently, always; even while they admonish and correct our defeating choices and habits. 

 

SET YOURSELF FREE

This “Individual” journey in fulfilling our identity is a powerful, liberating process of spiritual maturation that is intended by the cosmos for every human being – far, far beyond social conditioning.

May you discover it and enjoy.