The Shadow Lover

Most relationship challenges are stemmed from the vast difference in chemistries. In family DNA there are traits that are similar yet, the foundation of the personality is very unique. This causes challenges in relating, understanding and delivering compassion as most parents – and offspring – do not relate to each other as independent personalities with unique life trajectories. Hardly ever do we take into consideration how a person is designed by the planets and what kind of life trajectory they are created to live out. Instead, we carry our own batch of expectations from them and the projections of what they should be.

However, as individuals there is a fundamental seed of existence that dictates the quality of life a person experiences and lives out – no matter what. To me, that basic core is the personal ‘will’ or willpower.

Some people have very strong wills and some have a slightly challenged will that tends to lack a measure of self-confidence. That lack of self-confidence tends to copy, compete, feel inadequate and uses subtle controlling and manipulative tactics to manage situations, people and outcomes so that things happen according to their desire and somehow, relieves the pressure stemming from a deep lack of self-confidence.

99% of the time, when I am looking at a chart and relating the challenges that I see inherent in a person’s design, the client tends to resonate with the challenges far above and beyond any of the interpretations I give related to their true role in life.

I can watch a person’s eyes go cloudy and slightly confused when I begin sharing what I see as their life purpose and role. Most of the time, it doesn’t resonate nor is any of their life activity expressing how they are designed to live and operate in this lifetime. This is because most people endure what I perceive to be a “broken will”.

For instance, a person wrote to me recently asking a few questions, which were obviously prompted by their romantic relationship where willpower suffers the most:

“I am having a problem understanding how to function within my relationship due to certain things happening in the past and the continuing behavior of the person I am in relationship with – I am not sure if this is the correct person for me….I am not sure whether my impulses and feelings are from a lower egoistic perspective or are they really based upon truth…..we have been together several years but it seems that there is no progress….thus, I don’t know if the person is right for me or not….and their behavior definitely seems unfair to me…..I may be making too much of it?”

“So, what is the solution?….the problem is whether or not the relationship is useful or not and are the difficulties required from a higher soul perspective? Is this a delusion or is this a challenge meant to be worked upon?”


You can see that this person is not in their center, feeling slightly lost and in deep mental confusion. This is how most people feel when they hit a ‘bump in the road’ in the journey of romance. Most people contact me for a reading when they hit this common “bump” in romance and are in some kind of heated disagreement – about to break up.

Usually, when I am looking at charts, I can see that one of the lovers is giving away their power to the other. This doesn’t mean that one of them has a stronger will over the other, it means that one who seemingly has power over the other is simply manipulating and controlling the other. A strong will has no desire to manipulate nor control another – it is too busy manifesting its own heart’s desire through its creative impulses. The strong will usually, empowers others to be true to their own design and encourages unique expression and individuality.

How many people have you met that are sincerely creating their own life expression and capable of encouraging others to live out their unique trajectory?

Most likely, you will not find many.

Coming back to the readers question……..

“Being alone is easy but then what is the point of trying to achieve material aspects of this world?….what is the point of the human experience if we are meant to live as an island?”

Dear – it is not easy to be alone – most humans are incapable of being alone and certainly don’t know how to enjoy it. Rather, most become depressed, lonely, disheartened and discontent wondering…..where is love?


This is the crux of the problem. If one is content to be alone, then they become a terrific companion because they can allow the other to be who they are and encourage the other to fulfill their own unique expression. AND they are not ‘needing’ a relationship, they are simply enjoying the company of someone who is compatible and easy to converse with.

Yet, how does one find that space within one’s own being where they are fulfilled, content and satisfied and able to encourage others to be the same while enjoying romance with another?

It takes willpower to be one’s true self, especially after tremendous conditioning that has worked diligently shaping one into becoming something else. School and parents are the worst culprit of this malady of creative individual expressions and true sovereignty. Eventually, humans grow up and live in a society that is filled with humans expressing broken willpower.


My response to this young mans’ inquiry was the interpretation of charts, since he sent me two charts and was seeking out my opinion from that context:

“Chart #2 …….Incredibly talented, creative being with deep desire to enjoy union and tendency to overthink emotions. Challenged at realizing who they truly are and what they have to offer the world in order to feel fulfilled and achieve success. Highly creative, motivated and driven yet vulnerable to control and manipulation.”

“Chart #1 ….Insecure and power hungry, dominant and highly opinionated, very confused with lots of stories and occasional dramatic outbursts. Afraid to speak their truth or to be alone…..needing to prove that they know better and have more skills and talent than the other. Needs to be in control of events and circumstances.”

As you can see, this young man is expressing a combination of both charts in his inquiry with me. At the same time, he is having tremendous difficulty realizing his full potential and true-life expression feeling distraught about this love affair. Most likely, his partner is never going to be able to offer the support and encouragement for him to achieve his full potential. Therefore, most of his life will be ridden with “what is missing and why?

The “why and what” that is missing is individual willpower.


Following are a few examples of how love relationships tend to cause loss of individual willpower and why I may say, “Keep your story”.


Couple Story #1

Couple #1 is a bizarre combination of energies = yet, aren’t they all?! People come together for reasons that truly have nothing to do with love, rather, most relationships are initiated and perpetuated out of internal weaknesses that often, are bad habits or addictions.

In this relationship, “John and Mary” came together a few years ago based upon a slightly twisted sexual enticement, which added tremendous entertainment – and distraction for both of the lovers while feeding their delusions of how life is meant to be lived.

John was swimming in addiction with drugs, smoking, drinking and on the prowl for “a good time” and Mary was definitely looking for “a good time” with a twisted sense of self-satisfaction. Neither of them had the desire to pursue a quality relationship rather, it was how “bad” the other was that was most attractive. Naturally, the merging of bodies through sex caused them to become one person and slightly addicted to each other, good or bad, compatible or not. As time passed, each of them lived out a combination of both life stories, while growing into the habit of traditional relationship.

John has an amazing life destiny. However, if he is lazy, content, ignores guidance for the best direction, he loses all opportunities for achieving an incredible future filled with success and influence. Instead, if he refuses to listen and ignores the warnings, he moves through life something like a “bump on a log” without much happening, Naturally, this type of life trajectory sends him into depression, which eventually leads to self-destructive habits. At this point, he is very insecure and has a low self-esteem, he has “broken willpower” and does not have the momentum to create the life that he could have with tremendous enjoyment. With his slowly eroding self-esteem and willpower, his relationship becomes his focal point as his opportunities vanish and he is now the “puppet” for the insecure manipulative lover who has no fabulous opportunities in her natural life trajectory – only hard lessons. Because of this twisting of life stories and personalities and characteristics, John behaves a little like Mary, insecure and arrogant and Mary thinks she has fabulous opportunities ahead, regardless of how she behaves.

Mary is not quite as fortunate as John in that her natural life trajectory is filled with lessons and a character refinement process, a re-orienting of how she is interacting, thinking and operating with all of her affairs and encounters. She continuously competes, compares and criticizes others while she boasts about her talents and abilities in all conversations. Obviously, this person has a “weak will” because they continuously interact from the pressure to “prove” their self-worth.

Mary’s life trajectory shows that she tends to be cunning in her interactions and refuses to listen or take advice. which can assist her in her process of refinement of character. Rather, she considers herself to be the “higher source” and refuses to listen. Therefore, because of this tendency to prove that she already knows and that she doesn’t need to learn from anyone else, she loses opportunities. It is this loss of opportunities that forces her to become humble and recognize that she really, really doesn’t know. However, because she is refusing to learn and refuses to accept that she does not know, she has one disappointing experience after another and never really feels seen or appreciated. She has a life-long process of character development that may take a few lifetimes to refine. This, in turn, causes her to be manipulative, controlling and slightly angry and pessimistic.

You can see how different these two people are and how different their natural life stories are. John is acquiescing to Mary because of her manipulation so he is missing some fabulous opportunities. Mary is bored and slightly depressed and confused because she is not living out her highest potential, which she is absolutely certain she deserves. Both behave arrogantly which ultimately has disastrous results.


Couple Story #2

Couple #2, Cinderella and King Tut are a very strange combination as well. However, the sex seems really good so they are slightly addicted to each other and think they belong together because of the great sex ….. well, Cinderella thinks this way.

King Tut needs Cinderella because he is always, always on the verge of losing everything because of his terribly arrogant personality. Because Cinderella inherited a castle, he has a roof over his head no matter when it rains or pours or how bad he behaves – she saves him every time. By staying with Cinderella, he is safe and out of the rain, and always protected from the results of his arrogance.

Cinderella is very old-fashioned so she does whatever she can to live out the “good wife” syndrome even tho they are not married nor probably never will be. She can’t help it, she has a life trajectory that indicates she is naturally old fashioned and will abide to the traditional roles, no matter what.

However, Cinderella was fortunate to be born with a talent that could bring her lots of fame and fortune. Yet, because King Tut has a “broken will” he tends to belittle Cinderella constantly. This constant criticism wipes out her motivation to express herself creatively, which also wipes out the best future anyone could ever hope for. With her slightly weak will, she hardly gains the momentum to shine in a way that could be thrilling for her.

King Tut has very hard lessons ahead of him …and behind. His life is filled with difficulty as he refuses to learn and grow, is obstinate, arrogant and a “know it all”. He has a slightly twisted view of traditional relationships, thinking that the woman is weaker and the man is in charge therefore, the wife needs to shut up, sit down and be quiet. This is partly due to his arrogant nature that is very opinionated and tends to judge others harshly. Of course, because of this kind of nature, he judges and belittles Cinderella and her choice of friends, which leaves her absolutely frozen and non-productive – and broken.

King Tut is so frustrated that he makes sure everyone else is suffering as much as he is, which is highly manipulative and slightly mean, really. With his highly pessimistic nature that continuously criticizes and judges, he is in a constant whirlwind of change and instability, causing immense anger and frustration – and dependency on Cinderella. This, in turn, causes Cinderella to cave in to the manipulation and control and just “throw in the towel”, so to speak.

At least the sex is good. If it wasn’t for the sex, what else would there be?


Couple Story #3

Angela and Theodore are also a very, very strange match. Angela is the sweetest, loving, innocent person you will ever meet. She is nurturing, creative, magical and playful yet, very gullible and slightly stupid. Theodore is handsome, strong, virile and extremely evil. Angela cannot see how evil he is because she is gullible and tends to see only the “good” in everyone and everything. Theodore is aware of this and uses her ‘broken willpower” to his advantage.

Nothing seems to bother Angela, she finds ways to orchestrate events so that they flow in a smooth way, no matter how things unfold. Theodore becomes slightly aggravated when things don’t go his way. When life doesn’t go his way, he becomes abusive and takes out his frustration on Angela. Angela feels sorry for him so she does all that she can to soothe his frustration and help him move out of this space of extreme anger. This, in turn, only frustrates Theodore more and causes him to become physically abusive towards Angela. Angela feels heart-broken because if only he could move past these tendencies then he could be the ‘real king’ that Angela sees possible in his character.

Theodore’s life trajectory is fraught with hardship after hardship because he is unable to shake-off the evil part of his character. He is drowning in debauchery and evil intention.

Angela has a life trajectory that indicates she can achieve her highest potential in life becoming a teacher and guide for many. Because Angela is “in love”, she loses all kinds of opportunities as well as respect from others. Because of her “weak or broken will” she has taken on Theodores’ life story fraught with difficulties and disappointments as well as lack of trust from others. Theodore is saved time after time from falling into the pit of hell – thanks to Angela. If Angela wants to enjoy life as she was intended, she must run away from Theodore and never return again. Theodore will go to hell – no matter what – he is that evil. Whoever is “in love” with him will live in hell too.


Couple Story #4

Joann and Mike have a very traditional kind of marriage with modest size house, nice cars and adequate savings for their children to attend college. Mike is very traditional in his commitment to marriage and never wants his children to experience what he experienced as a young boy growing up in a divorced family.

Joann knows this about Mike so she uses it as ammunition to control and manipulate Mike into doing what she demands. She could care less about childhood, divorces or family – other than her immediate little world where she can control and manipulate to her hearts’ desire.

The odd thing about this couple is that Joann has a life story fraught with severe illness that could cause an early death. However, she is not living out the severe illness even tho she has tremendous body aches and pains. She seems to flow through life with lots of pain yet, not fall sick into a serious life-threatening illness.

Mike, who has a life trajectory intended for creating tremendous wealth with his talent and genius mind is contending with serious life-threatening disease and has almost died twice. Mike’s life trajectory indicates that he is super vital and very healthy. However, his delusion with love and commitment to traditional relationships complicates his health and places him in a very vulnerable space away from being a successful, wealthy business man enjoying life. Obviously, he has a “broken will’ and cannot move beyond the manipulation that Joann forces upon him. Through his delusion and tendency to project an unrealistic view of life, he crumbles under the ego that is bombastic and controlling.

Joann is staying alive while Mike is dying.


Couple STORY #5

This is probably the strangest “weak-willed” story of them all.

“Jack Be Quick” could choose between two life trajectories: 1) mature spiritually and become a powerful leader for humanity, offering a teaching that would liberate many. 2) OR, he could spin in his private hell of sexual fantasy and die a lonely man, never fulfilling his true life calling.

Unfortunately, Jack does not have enough willpower to break out of his addiction with sex, so he spins in fake romances in every direction, hoping to find some kind of peace inside. However, he does have one fantasy lover that continues to remain in his life – at a distance.

Jack’s girlfriend, Jane, lives thousands of miles away. Jack may see Jane for a few hours every two years – if he is lucky. Jane knows about Jack’s weakness so she sends naked photos to him occasionally and then, Jack sends her a thousand bucks a week for the next four-six weeks. He is certain that they will be together someday and share the same house in the same time zone, in person.

Jane is an aspiring actress and uses his weakness to practice her talent and to pay for her lifestyle. As long as she keeps sending naked photos and ending each of their chat sessions and email exchanges with “I love you too”, she gets another thousand bucks.

Jacks’ life trajectory is either glorious and liberating, maturing out of this delusional hell that is fraught with sexual fantasy and becomes a great teacher for humanity or he remains stuck for another lifetime in stupidity of horniness. He has chosen a life of horniness, which makes him penniless and a rather ignorant, unfortunate business man.

Jane however, continues to practice her life-long dream of becoming an actress and is paid well as long as she plays her role well.

Both are delusional, slightly ignorant and highly dysfunctional individuals. Eventually, Jack will have nothing left and in turn, neither will Jane.

Jane’s life story is fraught with constant dissatisfaction with what is happening in the moment. if she is not being loving and nurturing and honest about how she truly feels, she loses terribly and dives down into deeper, darker space inside of her. When in this space of discontent, she becomes spiteful, restless and anxious with life. Her motivation in life is to play with challenges rather than be realistic and present to life happenings. If she can cleverly manipulate, then she has won!

Jack finds it impossible to be present to his current environment and is constantly seeking somewhere else with someone else while he remains in his chair positioned in front of the TV with his cell phone in hand exchanging sexual fantasy conversations with strangers.

Jane truly believes that she will gain tremendous success and fame someday, the life that was intended for Jack. Jack just keeps sinking deeper and deeper into dark, nonsensical, non-productive life existence.


In conclusion

You can see in each of these examples, the couples are living out both life stories and one of the lovers is missing great opportunities while the other is manipulating and attempting to control. There tends to be one insecure, controlling manipulator and one helpless, broken puppet in most love affairs.

This is why I say, “Keep Your Story”.

I’ll keep my story and enjoy life.